Eat (Until) Clean.

Im gna savour my clean lunch which i made in under 20 mins! All boiled and here it is:

Woo! I chose to contain them in a lunch box cos aesthetic-ness got the better of me and i like to take pretty food pictures for self-admiring purposes….so why not a lunch box? Heehee.

Though i aint gng anywhere… Still.

This healthy lunch pack includes an egg, spinach, red chilli, caviar fishballs, chix, tomato, brown rice which was hidden under the chinese corainder.

Hmmm…. Tuck in!

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Third.

Starting the third week of school with smidgen revision before tuesday’s class, due to time constraint (tuition in two hours’ plus late dinner’s menu not yet carried out in my head). Mandatory shot of my notes to prove that I have been reading:

Anyways I would like to add-on that Sir Harris’ notes gave me a sense of assurance for May’s paper. It doesn’t assure first class honours, but at least it safe guards the first 40 marks to cover my backside. I may be slower and less econs-intelligent, but like I said slow never fails to arrive.

Baby steps, Yoyo, baby steps.

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That shit moment….

When you accidentally took home yr student’s brand new stationery. TGIF. Well, at least Monday is not too late to return.

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Have you ever….

I feel like i need a breather. I was given months to make a decision. Now im left with less than 24 hours and i still cant seem to make up my mind. All the uncertainties…. The hands of doubt strangles me and i really feel so suffocated. It got so bad recently that just by thinking abt it gives me physical headache. Oh why….

What would you do if y’re in my shoes?

There arent many choices i can make. In fact there’re only two. Yes or No. I feel like i could tell no one at all. Im sure there will be ears willing to listen and mouths ever ready to advice me. It’s also not due to the fact that i do not want to say. It’s just….even i do not know what i want. I still waver on the decision my subconcious mind made. I wasn’t firm.

I wasn’t ready.

How exactly can i go abt asking for advices when i know that whatever comes next, i will still be left alone with the same choices to make; the same dilemma; the same doubt; the same thought process that i couldn’t yet get out of. And the same ringing uncertainty.

Just what am i so afraid of?

Who can help me?

Am i ready? I’ve asked myself repeatedly for umpteen times. What is ready? How do i know if im ready? And….

Do I really WANT this?

I guess i do want it afterall, but i get so afraid. Im only human. Humans get scared. It’s nature. Im so troubled!! If only this wasn’t happening on me, i could readily give advice to the hypothetical friend to just go for it. Unfortunately, i must go thru this. I feel uneasy… And I think i know why.

Im about to step out of my comfort zone.

Imagine Madagascar the movie. Im just like Marty who always wanted to get out there. What im lacking of, is the courage to take the first step. I even doubt myself if i can make it out there. Can i still survive after being judged? I need reassurance that the world will not crash after i made the decision. I know it wouldn’t. Nonetheless, everything’s easier said than done.

Tough battle of the mind… I wonder if anyone feels the same tonight. 

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A week before school commences!

This week has been slow and fast at the same time. Dance stuff has finally wrapped up for the time being and I am contemplating whether to join the advance cycle. Sch is finally starting next week and I cant wait! Even though I have two more years to go…..due to my poor results last sem…. but it’s okay because i believe that guess slow never fails to arrive!!

Fail your way to success.

Rachel shared this with me last week while we were both skeptical abt joining our respective school camps. As seen, failing is not necessarily bad. We might take a lot of time/other resources/go an extra mile just to reach our destination. What matters is the journey, and the way you got there. Believe, Yoyo. There will bound to have times when you feel like a complete failure. Days like today. Had our first full dress reh and gosh i think i sucked like fuhhh. I really needed a lot more practises and i can only do so by motivating myself. As if executing the steps right is not tough enough, my stamina prob just has to surface. I must really make an effort to improve myself, for the better, for the show. Persevere, Yoyo. JY!

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Summer break.

I could vividly remember, during my days of mugging for the exams, that I mentally listed down a list of to-do which I want to complete after exams. Now that I am having the time of my life, waking up everyday feeling “freelance”, it dawned on me that I do not have enough time on hand to tick off my to-do list.

DWZ production is happening in less that a month’s time. Practices are getting strenuous and tense. Almost everyday, this club of dancers works on perfecting their moves, if not making props out of (really) limited resources. All these hard work behind the scene are carried out on a daily basis, all day, everyday. 

I am really proud to be part of this production. It has always been a dream to join a dance production and I am truly glad cos this year I will be crossing this off my bucket list. This week is especially busy cos I am dancing everyday (except Thurs, but I guess I will still self-practice at home). I am home late every single night and I will sleep into the day time and wake up at almost noon. This has been a subconscious routine and I am slowly draining out. Last Sunday I fell ill and had a complete loss of voice. My vocal was so terrible even I feel awful and sorry for myself. I had to work that day. The worst part was that we were short of staff on that fateful day and I had to brace myself to be the cashier (we talk a lot). Work ended at 1 AM, a 1.5 hour extension from our supposed clock out time. Well I am just glad that it was over.

Having a wee bit of time to press my thoughts. Combined rehearsal at 7 PM…. 6 more hours to go!

Ciao!

Torn.

I am feeling so awful now for flying my friends’ kite. Bursting their bubbles time and again. I really dont wish for this to happen. I dont know why i am always torn between dance and others.

Who can I tell? Everyone is gng to tell me I deserve it. I guess i really do deserve it.

But i dont need a second reminder.

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Improvement(?)

Today a fellow dance mate told us we have improved a whole lot. It cheers us up a little but we all know he was just being kind and encouraging. We know we have so much more to improve on. And we will all work hard towards that common goal 🙂

Pdt is in a month’s time! We are slowly getting there. Anticipating more busy days spent on practises and I cant wait to spend all my time dancing!

In other news, I heard frm a fellow dance mate that results would be out on 13th Aug. I am so stoked! First uni results release afterall. I hope I do well with all the efforts I’ve placed. Those midnights spent mugging, silently crying, head banging, choreographing key points into dance moves, pushing buttons of the calculators vigorously, the mental burden of memorised notes, the mental burden of risking in un-memorised notes….and then some. I am slowly getting there.

Cos You told me this, slow never fails to arrive.

And I always believe 🙂

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After dance.

I am ultimately disappointed with myself today. It has been 1.5 months of practices and my standard is not up there yet. More than disappointed, I am equally afraid. Afraid to disappoint the audiences; afraid to be labelled “stagnant” by fellow dance mates; afraid of going out of breathe on stage; afraid of not executing well and bringing shame to my choreographer. Afraid, afraid….

I really wna put up a good show for friends who would be coming to support. I wna be as good as S and C, two of the best dancers in the club. I wna execute to my best and give the production my ALL. I want to be able to breathe properly. Most importantly, I want to PERFORM; I want to BE SEEN.

It really doesnt bother me whether or not I’m the limelight. I just want to be noticed, just like how every other dancer would want to. This has been in my bucketlist for way too long. Im giving up a lot for this production, just hoping for one thing in return.

A chance, to shine.

Time to work a lot harder, Yoyo!

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